Over the course of my life, I’ve had many friendships grow distant. As I relocated or my friends moved away, we gradually lost touch. I didn’t consciously end these friendships. I didn’t leave college hoping never to speak to my friends again. In fact, I still send them our family Christmas card, and occasionally we meet up and catch up on life.
Sometimes, as life moves on, people drift apart.
What a downer.
Recently, I’ve come across a couple of examples of close friendships that ended because of specific events.
In each case, one friend said something they couldn’t take back, and the other couldn’t move on.
In one situation, a message intended for someone else was accidentally received by a friend. The message wasn’t even about them, but it was harsh enough that the friendship ended.
The recipient was offended, and the sender was too embarrassed to own up to their words. Easier to move on than to address the issue.
In the other case, the comments were made directly and intentionally. The person believed so strongly in what they said that they were willing to lose a friend over it.
Maybe the words were meant in love, but it’s unlikely they expected the friendship to end. Ironically, they would have had a much better chance of influencing their friend by remaining close rather than by delivering the cold, hard truth.
Thinking about these situations makes me wonder if I’ve done the same. Have I ever pushed someone away with a careless comment? Sadly, I probably have. A sobering thought—especially since it isn’t easy to make friends.
Just this past weekend, one of our project managers told me about a local school district that didn’t think well of us. Our immediate reaction was to find out why. From Willmar Electric’s perspective, it isn’t about securing more work with them—it’s about understanding what we did wrong and correcting it. We can’t think of a reason they’d be unhappy, but instead of ignoring the issue, we want to face it directly.
I hope they tell us. Hopefully, it’s something we can fix. No matter what, asking them is about treating others the way we want to be treated.
Just as in the cases above, getting to the root of the problem is essential. The person who made the hurtful comments has the chance to mend the relationship, which is a simple way of practicing the Golden Rule. The friend who was hurt has the chance to forgive. The friendship may never return to what it once was, but both people would be better off addressing the issue rather than living the rest of their lives in an unresolved, awkward silence.
