On a recent episode of Survivor, a contestant commented about how he only had four friends in High School. Another contestant replied, “Wow, you had four friends in high school.” The second contestant was a former speechwriter for the Obama administration. It told me you could end up in a reasonably influential place without being a Mr. Popularity. I also wondered if the first person understood how lonely the typical person is. Because, like the second guy, I didn’t think four was such a small number.
Pew Research said in October of 2023:
A narrow majority of adults (53%) say they have between one and four close friends, while a significant share (38%) say they have five or more. Some 8% say they have no close friends.
There’s an age divide in the number of close friends people have. About half of the adults 65 and older (49%) say they have five or more close friends, compared with 40% of those 50 to 64, 34% of those 30 to 49, and 32% of those younger than 30. In turn, adults under 50 are more likely than their older counterparts to say they have between one and four close friends.
There are only modest differences in the number of close friendships men and women have. Half of men and 55% of women say they have between one and four close friends. And 40% of men and 36% of women say they have five or more close friends.
So, having “only” four friends is pretty standard. Of course, a significant factor is what people consider as friends.
Americans think having friends is essential. Another Pew Research survey says, “61% of U.S. adults say having close friends is extremely or very important for people to live a fulfilling life, according to a recent Pew Research Center survey. This is far higher than the shares who say the same about being married (23%), having children (26%), or having a lot of money (24%).” So, Americans think having friends is more important than money.
I have received a lot of bad news lately, so I am thankful to my friends with whom I can talk about my troubles. However, the survey says one in twelve people don’t have a close friend so that those people can feel alone in times of trouble.
Since the pandemic year of 2020, we have heard a lot about mental health and how many of our fellow Americans struggle with it. (Even people with lots of friends can struggle with mental health.)
If you are struggling, I encourage you to reach out. If you consider yourself friendless, take a chance and reach out to somebody close. Find somebody you think already has a lot of friends. They are likely to be able to help you. You think they have a lot of friends because they know how to be good friends. Chances are they have fewer friends than you think, and they will be happy to help you.
If you are on the other side and somebody reaches out to you, I encourage you to stop and help. Of course, don’t go too far. If the person reaching out to you needs more than you give because you aren’t a professional, please take the time to listen, but be sure to link them to someone equipped and trained to give them all the help they need.
It is truly living out being a person making a difference for people.